Saturday, January 13, 2007

January 13th - 17th: Escape from Childrenz

SATURDAY, JANUARY 13, 2007 10:26 PM, PST

Bold Break-Out at Bay Area Hospital

Oakland, CA

It was a brazen escape, pulled off even more amazingly in the light of mid-day. No one saw it happen and by the time administrators was alerted it was too late. Keith Kelley, a repeat patient who had been sentenced to Childrenz for his sixth cycle of chemotherapy and was to serve 5 days of hard induction in the heavily fortified 5 South unit, escaped today one day short of his release date. Kelley is accused of 'crimes against cancer cells' and seems to have no compassion what-so-ever for them. 5 South is a unit reserved for only the most hardened oncology patients and is patrolled by dozens of guards posing as doctors, nurses and PCA’s.

“This is a state-of-the-art facility. No one has ever escaped from Childrenz...until now that is” proclaimed the front desk ambassador Imin Shock. “ This incident has the potential to tarnish our unblemished reputation for never having had a patient leave our facility early.”

It is still unclear exactly how he pulled it off, but police investigators suggested Keith might have been assisted in his break-out by one or possibly two outside collaborators. A cookie container brought by acquaintances of the Kelley family in Orinda two days ago contained a nail file that was seen lying next to a ventilation grate that had been chiseled open. Other evidence at the scene included a Michigan cap and a tuft of cat fur also found near the grate, suggesting that Keith’s notorious brother and somewhat rotund cat might have been in on the caper as well.

“Everyone knows Keith’s one tough dude…..and so it’s no surprise he’s flown the coop. He’s a free bird now. I’ve always felt that no walls and no one could keep him penned up for long.” explained Dr. Cydorak who operated on him last December to remove a tumor and a couple of lead slugs from his abdomen.

Officers at the scene cautioned that he could turn up anywhere. “He should be approached with caution. Don’t let that cute little bald head fool you. This is a kid that can make an upside down smile frown. I’ve never seen anyone else who could do that.”

Mr. Shock stated that Childrenz is going to take a long hard look at their ventilation grilles so that something like this doesn’t happen again. It is possible that the unit will have to shut down temporarily to fix this problem. "In that case, when he's recaptured, we'll just have to ship him down to Packardz. That place makes Childrenz seem like spa by comparison". Packardz has been undergoing a lengthy re-construction program, including sealing up all of their ventilation grilles. "It's gonna be the new Rock" he offered, making a not so veiled comparison to the famed rock outcrop in San Francisco Bay.

Loiters Wire Service

SUNDAY, JANUARY 14, 2007 10:24 PM, PST

“I want baked beans for dessert” Keith

Parent’s Note:

Suddenly he’s eating like a horse. When we got home from the hospital yesterday the first thing he wanted was a bowl of chili. He ate two bowls. Hamburgers, fries, turkey, stuffing, coffee cake, hot cocoa, soup, toast and yes baked beans….lots of them…even for dessert.

Now we’ve been doing this chemo thing for a while now, but this is the first time that I can recall that his appetite actually improved after chemo. It's a mystery.

Go figure....

MONDAY, JANUARY 15, 2007 10:24 PM, PST

Parent’s Note:

Before reading the rest of this entry, a collective knocking on wood might be in order.

Keith is having such a smooth recovery from chemo this time it’s remarkable. He hasn’t looked green around the gills at all since arriving home on Saturday and is eating and drinking well. I would have to credit the overnight hydration system and the continued antiemetic regimen that we are sticking to as well as Keith’s own fortitude for the success so far. There’s probably a medical reason that I don’t comprehend to explain it but so far this is the easiest of all of the cycles he’s had to date. I guess we thought there would be some kind of cumulative effect making each successive cycle more difficult to tolerate.

His lab results from today look quite good in most categories and his ANC is in the 9000 range, but it should be a matter of hours from now that he spirals downward toward neutropenia. He has started GCSF (neupogen) in anticipation of the dive but it will likely take a couple of weeks of daily GCSF infusions for him to recover to ‘normal’ levels. We have noticed that this recovery time has lengthened over the course of the five previous cycles as the doctors predicted.

Sometime in the week of February 5th, he will be subjected to the full barrage of diagnostic tests to determine the status of his disease and his medical team will huddle with all of this information to lay out the plan for going forward.

But right now he looks good and feels good and that makes all of the Kelleys feel good.


Just noticed the web counter just rolled over 25,000 visits to this site. Thanks for stopping by and checking in on Keith.

TUESDAY, JANUARY 16, 2007 10:24 PM, PST

“Dad, you really need to post this recipe on the website – it’s so good” Keith upon bobbing up for air as he inhaled his dinner tonight.

Parent’s Note:

I hate to sound like a broken record, but Keith had another good day. That makes it three days straight since his brazen escape from ‘Childrenz’. It’s amazing what a good ol’ jailbreak will do for your spirits.

Since there isn’t really anything more I can think of to say about Keith other than he’s dying to get the expansion pack for WoW that has apparently ‘just shipped’, how about some really useful information.... (our motto here at the editorial department is ‘if you don’t have anything to say, add a link to a recipe….):

Penne with Pancetta and Tomato Cream Sauce

(we swapped arugula for the basil)


Yep……. Uh Huh…… The pink bucket.....It’s Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaak.

Parent’s Note:

Okay, so maybe I was a bit overconfident. Maybe I should have started last night’s entry out with a “knock on wood” invocation. Maybe I thought Keith was going to catch a break finally.

Almost as soon as soon as last night’s entry was posted, Keith started to feel, well….. the way you would expect to feel after having poison injected into your body for 72 hours straight. It’s nothing he can’t manage, but it’s no fun at all.

Add to that, our one lane street is being ripped up to replace a sewer main so in spite of the USPS’s claim that “neither rain nor snow, nor sleet, nor dark of night shall stay these couriers from their appointed rounds” the mail wasn’t delivered today. I suppose sleet combined with road construction isn’t an impediment listed by mail couriers as necessary to overcome. So guess who was expecting to get guess what today (hint: rhymes with NoW)…..and guess what didn’t arrive….

We are confident tomorrow will be a better day.

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